Timing

     Looking at my different bits and pieces of journals here and there I came across the fact that on 8/29/09 DSH was stilling in love with me. On 9/5/09 DAR was first in SL. Almost like they swapped places. All of this makes me wonder if it will work with DAR. Seems interesting that DAR comes back right then, just as DSH starts to lose the ability to love me again.  Yet I seem to go for days with hardly 10 words being spoken each day. Then he will make sure we have hours to talk. I am not sleeping well the last... 3 weeks or so. I go down late and with the slightest noise I am up. This is wearing me out. I wish I had someone male in the Twin Cities to spend some time with. *sigh*

Description of Me

This description was computer generated after a bunch of questions. Take it for what it is and where it came from. ---- NEGOTIATOR / explorer ---- "You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing. -- You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people's faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need. -- You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. -- You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead. -- You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion." You decided if true or not.

Yin & Yang

The world around me and all that is within me is looking for that yang for my yin.

YIN

shady place, north slope, slow, soft, insubstantial, diffuse, cold, wet, tranquil, feminine, birth, generation, night, winter, decay, hidden, subtle

YANG

sunny place, south slope, hard, fast, aggressive, focused, hot, solid, dry, masculine, daytime, summer, growth, clear, obvious

They were created together in a single movement, they are bound together as a part of a mutual whole. Yin always contains the potential for yang, and yang for yin, the small circles of opposite color. The small circles at the zenith of the other is to indicate how each will transform into the other. They arise together and are always equals; if one disappears, the other must disappear as well leaving emptiness.

Question for you?

When you start a blog should you go back and fill in what you can from things you have written in other places, like a paper journal, or should you just start from where you are at? What is your opinion?

A Lonely Saturday

I was looking for the document that I saves some of my old post to a different blog. In my search for ones back in 2007, I came across ones saved from 2008. As I read through them I was surprised by some of the things that I found... or forgot. It seems like I write more about the sad things that happen and forget to write about the happy events.

Today I am feeling lonely, probably mostly due to lack of sleep, and just don't know what to do. That is probably why the things I read made me think that men are pigs. So much was how the man I was with kept hurting me, including a big way I had forgotten. As I thought about it though I really don't know if they are such pigs at all. It seems like there is more misunderstanding between men and women than anything. Relationships with the opposite sex are work, they all are. It is easier to stay on the same side because then you do not have to work so hard to be understood. Though is the working so hard not of value for it seems like every time you do you learn something.

Life Shifts

Life sure is funny at times always changing. It seems you find yourself a comfortable spot. Then what happened things swing around on you and you are faceing other difficult things. The comfortable place is no longer there. I am very thankful that the last stretch was two years of peace. Now I head off on a new adventure.

On My Feet Again

Back when I started this blog, life took a big shift on me and it has taken me a while to find my feet. The path of my life changed and now I look to what 2010 will bring. So here goes one moment at a time.

Married Men

How do you begin? It is hard to explain how things feel and how thoughts go. Spending time with three different married men and it is the holidays. They have to spend time with their families. I am first to no one. I get the leftovers, which is very little time. Last year.I was DSH's world. Now I am alone. My boys are sweet, but I get the time that they do not need to be with their families. My time with them may end so quickly. Then I am left with nothing to do. I am stuck waiting for one of them to be free. So much for being a true Mistress. I am still accomidating a man, or men and what they want. Time with DAR is limited in the same way. When he is able to get away he calls or sends messages. DAR says he will be here but the date keeps backing up. DAR says I belongs with him and in his arms. But when? I really just want to roll over and not wake up for a while. Wake when DAR or someone was here for me.